Published July 21, 2007 08:57 pm - A certain 87-year-old Minnesota sportswriter has a brilliant idea to ensure Torii Hunter’s continued employment with the Minnesota Twins: Some kind of post-baseball job with one of Twins owner Carl Pohlad’s many companies.
Torii can even have his own parking space
By Brian Ojanpa The Free Press
A certain 87-year-old Minnesota sportswriter has a brilliant idea to ensure Torii Hunter’s continued employment with the Minnesota Twins: Some kind of post-baseball job with one of Twins owner Carl Pohlad’s many companies.
By the old sportswriter’s thinking, this job offer would help sweeten any contract offer the Twins might make to the All-Star outfielder, who figures to be coveted when his current pact expires this year.
The job, if I’m reading the old scribe’s thought process correctly, would serve as sort of a gap-funding mechanism. That is, it would somehow equalize the monetary gap between what the Twins may offer and what some other team is willing to pay.
Hunter makes $12 million a year now, and will make even more in years hence no matter who he plays for.
His decision will come down to how much filthier rich he wants to become. That and, one assumes, going with a team with the best chance of winning.
So if the Twins want to be a player in the Hunter sweepstakes, they should employ this retirement-job gambit, which could be an offer Hunter couldn’t refuse, if I’m following the elderly fellow’s logic.
The sportswriter believes that such a job would provide Hunter with “some pretty good security for life,” as if the multimillions Hunter has already earned still limits him to a mac-and-cheese lifestyle.
So let’s get out Pohlad’s business-holdings dossier right now and find this center fielder a retirement job, by cracky.
The 26 companies Pohlad owns includes a bank, where Hunter could work as, say, a consultant.
“Mr. Hunter, would you roll over these funds into another portfolio area, or sit on them until the next market correction period?”
“Hit the ball where it’s pitched, dawg.”
“Thank you, Mr. Hunter.”
Pohlad also owns a Pepsi bottling plant. Hunter could, um, oversee the bottling. Or make mall appearances on behalf of soda pop. Or something.
There’s also a regional airline company, where Hunter could use his engaging personality to somehow justify the six-figure salary he would get for being, um, engaging.
All of these are certainly possibilities, but the best fit might be at KTTB-FM, the Twin Cities hip-hop radio station Pohlad recently purchased.