The NBA’s tank is no aquarium

April 22, 2007 01:12 am

— Don’t like the term “tanking.” It sounds so harsh, so sinister, so shamelessly conniving.
The preferred kinder, gentler word here for what the Minnesota Timberwolves did late in the season is “acquiesce,” which means “to submit or comply without protest.”
Which is to say, tank.
So much for being kinder and gentler. The Wolves and their NBA ilk who deign to throw games don’t deserve it.
Simply put, tanking is the common NBA practice of playing not to win in order for a non-playoff-bound team to improve its chances in the draft lottery.
It has to do with gaining more numbered Ping-Pong balls, a process too dumb to warrant dissection here.
It’s a system that not only courts tanking, but as a practical matter it implicitly demands it of dreck teams such as the Wolves.
All of which is ironic, because even if the Wolves found themselves staring at a Ping-Pong version of the winning Powerball ticket, past history dictates that they’d haplessly botch their pick, Kevin Garnett being the notable exception who keeps proving the rule.
This tanking business is a delicate matter, because even though teams clearly play to lose, they can never admit it for any number of reasons, the most compelling of which is that they’d prefer not to deal with the legal system.
That’s because last I looked, it’s against the law for people in pro sports to lose on purpose. That conjures all sorts of shady images, up to and including bookies named Blackie.
So, moribund teams late in the season do this sly kind of tap dance, whereby they give the illusion of competing, and claim that they are, but fail miserably at being convincing of either.
Let’s go to the tape. See the small forward slash to the hoop. See the defender jump out of his way as if he were The Donald evading a naked Rosie.
As awful as that image is, it pales beside how the Wolves tanked their last game last year: Mark Madsen hoisting apocalyptic 3-pointer after 3-pointer. The horror ... The horror.
Like all pro sports, the NBA has programs in place whereby players speak to schoolkids. Typically, they’ll regale the kids with boilerplate mantras about how they should always strive to do their best, respect the game and their opponents, blah, blah, blah.
But as in “The Wizard of Oz,” the kids would do well to ignore the fraud behind the curtain. Goes by the name of Tank.

Brian Ojanpa is a Free Press staff writer. Call him at 344-6316 or e-mail bojanpa@mankatofreepress.com.

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